I got up early today, thanks to Dominik. He woke up before 8 because he wanted to go downstairs. Then he fell asleep and I made some coffee and I have time for myself. I drink coffee and listen if Weronika is not crying. I Enjoy every sip, because it may be my last this morning. I think that every mother sitting at home at this time in the morning watches DDTVN (a Polish morning tv show). I watch, but I don’t listen too much, I enjoy my coffee and I enjoy silence. Oh, yes, the silence is the most pleasant sound since I became a mother, and my children’s naps are the most pleasant part of the day for me. I think about it as soon as the kids open their eyes. I think about when I can relax from them again, when they stop shouting, lamenting, asking for sth over and over again, when they stop jumping and asking me questions, when they finally get away from me and when I can finally rest during the day.

I am so far from being an ideal mother, a perfect mother, a smiling mother, a mother without problems. But there are so many “perfect mothers” on social media. They show the world their perfect lives, their perfect children and perfect husbands. Their children are always smiling and are clean, their toys in no way resemble my children’s toys. Their husbands are also always smiling, with a great desire to pose for photos, they don’t hesitate to play with children, and go with the whole family for holidays. There are also those who happily carry their wives in their arms and report on their family weekends like teenagers. And finally, there is SHE – THE IDEAL MOTHER – happy mother, enjoying motherhood, looking like she just came out of the beautician’s and hairdresser’s, working professionally, caring for the house which is always perfectly clean. A mother who makes breakfasts, lunches and dinners for her family every day, always with a smile on her face. A mother, or rather a woman who always wants and is ready to make love to her ideal husband. Ideal families –  I think only such exist in today’s society, in this virtual world …

I belong to those unbelievers who don’t fully buy this perfect world, although I wish such perfect life to everyone. I’m not in my teens anymore and I know how real life looks like. I know that my children often get bored with me, that they don’t always go clean because I don’t feel like getting them changed a few times a day. My husband doesn’t look forward to returning home from work, doesn’t run to hug me, his posing for family photos rarely works, that’s why you don’t see him on the web, we often argue because some things overwhelm us, because we don’t have time for ourselves and for each other, because I tend to cavil at things …. It happens that I cavil at everything, even the fact that he made me a sandwich with pate and butter and not just the pate (in my opinion, it’s pate OR butter, not both, although we all know that with butter it is tastier), but I have to do my talk. Although I don’t consider myself as a fatal mother, I’m not perfect (although I seem to be rather a perfect mother than perfect wife anyway). And although I feel lonely with my unbelievable motherhood more than once in a while, I don’t fool myself, I don’t picture myself as someone who I am not, I don’t pretend. And although it may seem unacceptable to some “ideal people”, I really don’t want to talk about children (I know how it ends) when I’m at a meeting with my girlfriends! Every day I am a “normal” girl in my twenties, with my husband and my children on my side, but this is what you may already know from my other entries. We are ordinary family with our ordinary issues, but it’s good for us.