Ewka:
When a child is born to a couple, it brings up many changes in their relationship. For some time, especially in the beginning, it may seem to us that these are changes for the worse. Everything changes, starting from our physicality, through the revolution in the time organisation, to relations with all the people around. This is how I actually see the changes I face with my husband. It’s all about children. We rarely have a moment only for ourselves, there are practically no social events. If we go out together, it’s only with children.
When you’re pregnant, you are the happiest woman in the world. You respect the moments you have just for yourself. You touch the belly with your partner. You both look forward to the birth of a little Miracle. Unfortunately, when it’s finally born, one of you has much less space just for oneself, and the other is set apart for all the work to fulfill the mother’s and the baby’s needs.
In a sense, I feel that my pregnancy somehow moved us away from each other. The belly was getting bigger and the hugs appeared less frequent. Since my first childbirth I don’t remember when we held hands …and it was 2.5 years ago….
When children appeared in our marriage, the relationship between me and my husband changed. There was no such closeness between us as it used to be there before. I totally devoted myself to children. I was breastfeeding, so I had them with me practically all the time. I was frustrated, and Patryk was often the one to recieve my bitter regrets. Sometimes it was a result of a lack of strength and sometimes just a despair and the need to be understood … It was such a difference to our relationship, which had been completely different before the children appeared. We used to be always together, everywhere. We often hug, walked together – my hand in his hand.
Now, when we walk together, one of us pushes the baby carriage, the other runs after Dominik. There is no room for holding hands! And I just miss it so much!
Weronika is already with us, the evening hugs are slowly coming back, with time I hope holding hands will come back as well, although the relation is so different now!… We have no time alone, none of us is the same person anymore. I am a mother, he is a father – is it even possible to go back to how we were?
Olka:
When a young couple become parents for the first time, the reality surprises them and it is not for fun. Despite good advice of experienced friends, they quickly learn that no one was able to prepare them for what they face. No one told the young dad that he would be placed at the very end of the “importance” hierarchy of his beloved. No one has warned the young mother that her behavior will almost depress her man and thus scarify himself for the lack of understanding and frustration. After a childbirth (thankfully for a short time), a woman loses her sexuality, absolutely changes priorities, her man becomes, sorry for the term, an “instrument” necessary to adequately meet the needs of her and her child. Man at the time is necessary to arrange documents, make purchases, bring cabbage leaves (for poultices on swollen breasts), fire in the oven, make necessary telephones, is a driver and gardener, a financier and a cook, ensures the implementation of basic needs of his woman and the child, but in the smallest degree he is an object of his woman’s interest. I emphasize, it lasts just a few weeks at, but it can often introduce irreversible changes in the relationship between a man and a woman. If they don’t show an adequate level of mutual understanding from the beginning, it is quite possible that they will never come back to how they were before.
I know many couples whose first love act after giving birth took place after a few months, even after a year. I think that this may be a consequence of losing intimacy, often also sympathy between young parents.
I knew that when I expected the birth of my oldest daughter. Nevertheless, we have not avoided tensions between us in the first days after our daughter was born. She didn’t help us at all, her colic kept us awake from the first days, which only intensified our frustration, sometimes we blamed each other at night, accusing one another of insufficient efforts to calm the child. I was nervous, he was irritated. We were both very tired. In addition, we were worried about the financial aspect, the child really generates costs that we had no idea about before. Doctors, medicines, diapers, cosmetics, vaccines ….
We left this difficult period unscathed, because from the beginning we knew it would pass. It was only thanks to caution and patience that we did not bring all those bad emotions to the next weeks and months. Physical closeness also appeared quite quickly.
Summing up – Patience and understanding, mutual sensitivity – just that much 😉
