We are prepared for the “hate”, which can come to us through today’s publication. We do not want to offend anyone, nor discourage. From women, to women. It’s only our personal thoughts. Only to show how each of us is different and unique. We carry huge responsibility of giving birth to other women, as well as men, future doctors, politicians, artists, scientists, among them mothers and fathers.

It is a big responsibility, so we have the right to complain a little 🙂

Olka:

My view of the pre-maternity period is very unpopular. We are overwhelmed by young mothers’ stories about how wonderful it is to expect a child, how wonderful we feel and how feminine we are when we are pregnant. Nonsense! Nonsense! Nonsense! (my PRIVATE opinion!) I understand that some mothers may actually experience euphoria, but my memories of pregnancy are completely different. I will say openly. I hate to be pregnant! I think that I would have more children if it did’nt require pregnancy and delivery. I mention childbirth. Well,  the first pregnancy does not bring  consciousness about what childbirth is yet, but second, third, or further pregnancies are burdened with additional experience associated with it. During my first pregnancy  I only felt terrible, but in the second and third – I was literally preparing myself to return to the war!

During pregnancy, I felt like a living incubator. The movements of my children were amazing only in the beginning. The closer to the delivery, the more troublesome they were for me. Of course, I ran to my doctor in panic every time the baby wasn’t moving for two hours , haha. I was calmer when I felt its kicks, but it doesn’t change the fact that it was not pleasant for me at all. My abdomen stretched every few minutes, and due to the pressure on my bladder, I did not actually leave the bathroom. In the third trimester I was not able to put my socks on, fasten my shoes, and in the winter I was freezing because I couldn’t get my jacket or coat on. I was very happy when I thought of my children to be born, I really wanted to be a mother. I also had great support in my family and friends, Marcin, my husband,  was wonderful. But I didn’tt like my pregnancies anyway!

I am writing about it because I remembered what terrible remorse I had every time someone told me how lucky I was. I coukd hear that I was blooming, that I was made to bear children, that I should be grateful that I could WORK all the time, unlike other pregnant women who suffered from troublesome illnesses or diseases ( to be honest –  I couldn’t work, but I HAD TO work …). Every time I heard these words, I wanted to shout out how bad I felt and how I didn’t like that state. I felt guilty for thinking that way. I didn’t have a child in my arms yet, and I already felt that I was a terrible mother, deprived of feelings. And it was only because the commonly accepted model of pregnancy was different from the one I experienced.

Now I know that I had the absolute right to complain, to speak how I felt. And unlike most people, including women, especially doctors, I think that pregnancy IS a kind of disease! Of course, it is not about naming, but about the quality of everyday functioning of a pregnant woman. I solidarise with all the women who experience being named the “holy cows” when they decide to take a break from work. Daily life of a pregnant woman is far from normal and every expectant mother should have the full right to decide whether she wants to work or  spend time waiting for her offspring at home. In addition to natural, but still troublesome, pregnancy ailments, a whole range of other possible inconveniences should be mentioned here. Before you judge a pregnant woman who decides to take a break from work,  take her safety into account  (I remember crowded buses and trams, the need to cover my belly with my bag in fear of being accidentally kicked or hit by other passengers …). Anyone who dares to say that “a pregnant woman is pitying herself,” should try to get into her shoes, lift her weight, feel her responsibility for the two, three, and four human beings that she carries inside her belly.

Don’t get confused by my complaining – I experienced so-called “bookish pregnancies”. Therfore I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for a woman who is really experiencing a difficult pregnancy that is at risk from the beginning; a woman who must spend most of those 40 weeks in the hospital, dying for fear of her child’s health. She is also often forced to listen to the stupid comments of those who “know better”. What makes me sad the most is that future mothers are criticized by other WOMEN 🙁

Of course, each of us has different experiences, different memories of this exceptional period. I remember it just as I describe it, it doesn’t mean that my friend will not be delighted with her state of mind and body during her pregnancy. Again – each of us has the right to express our own opinions, each of us experienced both pregnancy and childbirth differently, so let’s not impose one other any model of motherhood expectation.

Ewka:

Pregnancy is said to be the most beautiful period in a woman’s life. Part of this I agree with, because apart from the fact that we gain weight, we also flourish, we become 100-percent women (I absolutely do not say that women who are not given to be pregnant or simply do not want to be in it, cannot feel fulfilled in a different way!). On my own example, I see that pregnancy has deprived me of some complexes (despite the fact that the body is different, I know its value), I became bolder, less jealous, and even learned to compliment other women! Earlier, I wasn’t too open in complimenting, but now I think I am a completely different person . These aspects are definitely positive changes that occurred in me during my pregnancies and later. It’s good that times have changed and you don;t have to hide your pregnancy under oversized clothes, it’s good that you can talk about it, because it used to be a taboo subject for a long time. At the same time, I don’t understand women who only talk about this period in a positive way. Sometimes (being pregnant) I felt strange when I complained about vomiting, fatigue, kicks in my belly, etc. I had the feeling that some people were judging me.  Especially when I was talking about how my childrens’ movements were. While at the beginning they we delicate and pleasant, later they became strong and sometimes painful. I simply remember how all the clothes were becoming more and more tight, and how I turned in a bed like a whale, I really hated bathing, and my hair removal methods at that time looked quite comical. 

But above all, I hated it when I heard “pregnancy is not a disease”! No, I don’t miss the child-bearing period at all!

Unfortunately, I didn’t experience a natural childbirth. Now, some of you might be a little confused – “Unfortunately…” – I can imagine what some of you are thinking: What”? Are you out of your mind?! Aren’t you simply lucky you could have C-cestion?! Well, everyone has a mouth, and every mouth has an opinion, haha 🙂 I think most of the primiparas prefer to have vaginal birth. And I belonged to this group of women. When I was pregnant for the first time, nobody could make me change my mind – Olka was very clear from the beginning – she told me vaginal delivery is a torture, she tried to persuade me to choose C-section, she asked me to seriously try at least for anesthesia. Then I thought that if mothers, grandmothers, great-grandmothers were doing well with natural delievery, I could do it too. When the doctor informed me that I could not give birth naturally, I just cried. I was terribly scared. I don’t like hospitals, needles, blood collection. And now and they were about to “cut me”. I was so stressed that I don’t remember much. In the second pregnancy I knew what it would look like and I was even more scared. It was awful. I had a second c-section …

I was pregnant twice, experienced the caesarean section twice – it was far from plesurable! I don’t plan more children, but I am open to what fate will bring. One thing will not change for sure – I DON’T LIKE TO BE PREGNANT !!!